It’s New Years Day so what better time to celebrate the past year than on the first day of the next year, here are a few awards given out to the sporting heroes that everybody else didn’t think of first.
The Eric Cantona award for talking shite:
RAFA BENITEZ – “I was watching the fans and I was really sad after the defeat the other day. We have a saying in Spanish, which is: ‘White liquid in a bottle has to be milk.’”
The Merv Hughes award for having facial hair, looking like a twat but because we see it every day we have all got used to it:
RAFA BENITEZ – A 2nd award for Benitez but seriously, he does look ridiculous with it, sadly for Rafa he also looks ridiculous without it.
Although an honorable mention goes to all who wore stupid tashes during Movember, some looked good and some (Peter Siddle and Mitchell Johnson) looked like complete cocks.
The Gazza award for being batshit insane:
PAUL GASCOIGNE – Now it might seem strange winning his own award, but turning up at an armed siege, completely pissed with a box of fried chicken claiming he is a friend of a murdering lunatic is without question…batshit insane!
The Arnold Schwarzenegger award for being just a little too ‘handsy’ with the ladies:
BEN ROETHLISBERGER – Now firstly I will point out that no charges have been brought against Ben for this, or any of the accusations made against him, then again, none were ever filed against future President of the USA, Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
The Graeme Souness award for taking Liverpool FC from being ‘Ok’ to ‘really shit’:
ROY HODGSON – A good squad with a couple of world class players, now they have forgotten how to play. In the loss at home to Wolves, 8 of the starting 11 played in the 4-0 win over Real Madrid 20 months ago, so it’s not the players is it?
The Tony Adams award for drink driving:
GRAEME SWANN – For his 3am dash to the supermarket to buy some screwdrivers in a bid to rescue his 9 month old Cat from under the floorboards…in a brand new white Porsche after 4 glasses of wine. Not noted for his genius is he, thank god he can bowl!
The Harlem Globetrotters award for being so good, they literally take the piss:
BARCELONA FC – This was the easiest award to give, Barcelona are just so good to watch at the moment. As a Liverpool fan I haven’t had much to enjoy this season but seeing Barca in action is football heaven, read Georges post on ‘The super manita’ to find out why they are so good.
The Andriy Shevchenko award for spending £30m and getting sod all in return:
THE ENGLAND 2018 WORLD CUP BID – What an absolute farce, as Ian Holloway put it (say it with west country accent) “maybe we would have been better off tucking all that in a few envelopes and seeing if that did any good.”
The Hansie Cronje award for being a massively corrupt cricketer:
MOHAMMAD ASIF, MOHAMMAD AMIR & SALMAN BUTT – Again not a difficult choice, the saddest part is that Amir at 18 years old looks the real deal already, probably could have gone on and been a record breaker. Maybe poor guidance and peer pressure but that’s no excuse, he cheated and should be banned for life.
The Peter Andre/Katie Price award for two people coming together for money but nobody gives a toss:
DAVID HAYE & AUDLEY HARRISON – Money truly talks in this case, how Harrison ever got himself a fight against a world champion is beyond me, he proved his class by landing just one punch in total and got himself knocked out in the 3rd round.
The New Labour award for promising so much but delivering so little:
ENGLAND’S WORLD CUP CAMPAIGN IN SOUTH AFRICA – Just shite all around, that is all.
Marcus J Mitchell.