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Archive for the ‘Fun’ Category

The emotional and long awaited return of Kenny Dalglish (an L before the G as well as after!) is something that I am very happy about, his first game in charge was a throwback to the late 80’s battles with a match against the old enemy – Manchester Utd.

However several incidents during the match caused Ryan Babel to do something that is completely and utterly unacceptable…have a laugh. He posted a photoshopped picture of referee Howard Webb in a Man Utd kit.

Here is the picture in question…

…Oh and because I don’t have to be held to the same standard as Ryan here is another…

Thank god I’m not a professional footballer; otherwise I would be facing a massive fine and possibly a ban. I doubt it is possible but if anybody anywhere has a contact inside the F.A please, please show them this post to highlight how ridiculous it is to curtail free speech.

“Maybe I’ve been out of the game too long but let’s see if they can find a sense of humour”

And he joked:

“I don’t think he’s clever enough technically to have drawn that up himself.”

This surely shows that even Kenny himself doesn’t think of it as that bigger deal but the F.A have gone ahead and charged Babel anyway.

So can any pro footballers who might get to read this please, please, PLEASE use your right to free speech and say or post anything you wish, surely they won’t ban all of you.

Marcus J Mitchell.

P.s. Don’t blame me if you have got banned, if I told you to jump off a cliff would you do that?

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This has been one of the funniest set of video diary clips I’ve ever seen from a sports team. You don’t get comedy like this from £million T.V comics with massive budgets! Down to earth, they all seem to have a sense of humour… It highlights how relaxed all the test match squad were, not many massive ego’s and if there were, Swanny and co would deal with it! The first clip that started off ‘the sprinkler’ was hilarious and if you haven’t seen them, you must! Well done Swanny and the England Cricket Team.

I’m also pleased, and slightly surprised that the ECB decided to show highlights of each session, pretty much instantly, on their home website. Essential resource for people who don’t have Sky.

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Instead of our usual rundown of the worst ever misses, we decided this deserves a post all of it’s own. Veria FC were playing Levadiakos FC in the Greek 2nd division when they produced 5 point blank misses in the space of 11 seconds.
You won’t be surprised to learn that Veria are languishing towards the bottom of the league at the moment, still look more like scoring a goal than Liverpool do at the moment.


Marcus J Mitchell.

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For those who didn’t know, I live in Llandudno, North Wales, so every now and again I make the journey to Wrexham to watch the mighty dragons, they currently reside in the Blue Square Premier League (formally the Conference) and are managed by former Liverpool and Wales legend, Dean Saunders.

Wrexham have had a shaky couple of years and to be honest are probably a league lower than they should be, but results and performances have not gone well and Saunders is consistently signing below par players.

So yesterday I popped along to The Racecourse Ground with a couple of friends and my fiancée’s mother (long story, not important) to check out the action. Now this piece was going to be a match report on the game, but I thought, as we write about The Premier League, The Ashes, World Cup etc, so why not something a little close to home, but after witnessing the birth of a new cult hero I thought I would scan over the game itself and then talk about him.

So let me introduce Mr. Mathias Pogba…

Now firstly you are thinking, ‘Pogba…that name rings a bell?’ well you would be right, Mathis’ younger brother Paul was the subject of a long dispute over his move to Manchester Utd from Le Harve, the dispute was settled and Utd have one of France’s top talents waiting to be introduced to the Premier League.

Back to Mathias, he started yesterday’s match Vs Bath City on the bench, he has made 6 appearances from the bench so far this season so that is where he is used to being. Wrexham started the game well with former Man City youngsters Curtis Obeng and Adrian Cieslewisz causing Bath all sorts of problems down the right flank with their pace, it was another run by Obeng into the box that earned Wrexham a penalty after he was bundled over by Mohamed.

Former Nott’m Forest striker Gareth Taylor dispatched the penalty to give Wrexham the lead at the break, after half-time Wrexham were by far the better team but couldn’t find that second goal, then on 69 minutes, Pogba was introduced. My friend I was sitting with, who is a real Wrexham fan gave his opinion on Pogba ‘He is shit’, fairly conclusive and he did his best to live up to that tag.

Tenacious work from Taylor left Pogba with a chance on goal, he tried about 8 stepovers and the defender easily took the ball from him, he seemed to make runs and find space like a good striker, but then he gets the ball and…It all kind of goes wrong.

Then his moment of glory came, on 86 minutes the excellent Jay Harris played a ball straight into Pogba’s path, he holds off the defender before calmly slotting the ball home for his first Wrexham goal making it 2-0 in the process, a great finish and a great celebration as he tries a Gyan like dance, not too shabby either.

However the real reason he became a hero came about 3 minutes later, he picked the ball up about 30 yards out, sidesteps the defender and goes for a pile driver on his left foot, only problem being he missed the ball completely, a fantastic air shot before falling flat on his face, a moment of pure genius.

If ever the phrase ‘sublime to the ridiculous’ was appropriate, then Mathias Pogba’s 3 minute cameo against Bath City surely demonstrated it.

Don’t take my words for it, here is what the Wrexham fans were singing at full time as we were leaving the stadium…

“Who needs Drogba…we’ve got Pogba”.

A star is born.

Marcus J Mitchell.

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The New Year is under way, the drinks have been flowing and Andy Gray, Jamie Redknapp, Gabriel Marcotti, Alan Shearer and Ron Atkinson got together for a little chat. This is an edited* version of the pearls of wisdom flowing from the mouths of our most revered football pundits.

The night started with this gem from Mr Gray

“Would Barcelona be able to cope with the physicality of the Premier League? With the long throws and long balls that teams like Stoke and Blackburn would play against them? I don’t think so.”

Marcotti: Didn’t Barcelona beat Chelsea and Man United on the way to winning the Champions League recently?

Gray: Yeah but…

Atkinson: Bloody Spanish teams, keeping the ball on floor, knocking it about, they’d be done over in the Premier League.

Redknapp: Literally my Dad, he’d know what to do.

Gray: If only I had my electronic master Sky curly lines and red circles, I’d prove Stoke are a better side than Barcelona.

Marcotti: Didn’t Barcelona recently win every competition they entered in a season? The sextuple?

Gray: They didn’t win the Premiership though did they?

Atkinson: No they didn’t.

Marcotti: No, erm, they didn’t…

Redknapp: Literally, no they didn’t.

Shearer: I can confirm he’s right Gabby. Although my knowledge of Barcelona is limited.

Gray: So we agree I’m right? Majority rule and all that?

Redknapp, Atkinson, Shearer: Yes Andy.

Marcotti: Hmmm…

The conversation moved on, the pundits discussed the finer points of Zonal Marking, foreign players diving, too many foreign players, foreigners, immigration, the BNP**, and Marcus Desailly.

**that was mainly Big Ron

As things settled down, the conversation moved onto the World Cup 2010 – and more specifically the England failure.

Shearer: Too many foreign players.

Atkinson: Yeah, couldn’t agree more.

Gray: You’ve gotta blame the manager for me.

Redknapp: My Dad, literally, would’ve won it.

Marcotti: Don’t you think England achieved what was expected and lost to a better organised side in Germany?

Atkinson: No, we beat them in the war.

Redknapp: Literally, my Dad would’ve beat them in the war.

Shearer: I’d have scored. Although my knowledge of their team is severely limited.

Marcotti: But I was reading the other day, in this excellent book by Kuper and Szymanski , that England have done as well as can be expected over the past 30 years. Using a statistical analysis of every game, the players available, they found and I’ll quote

The record over the past 30 years has been remarkably consistent, with England usually hovering somewhere towards the back of the top 10 teams in the world. Which is about where we should be, given the size of our population and the percentage of that population that plays the game.

Atkinson: Nonsense.

Gray: Rubbish.

Redknapp: Literally.

Shearer: Limited.

Marcotti: Thanks for that. Good comeback. I’m off. Bye lads.

Atkinson: Bloody foreigner.

*By edited I mean mostly made up. However, here’s a few real quotes.

Andy Gray:

For my money, Duff servicing people from the left with his balls in there is the best option.I don’t like to see players tossed off needlessly

There are a lot of tired legs wearing Tottenham shirts.

Ron Atkinson:

Goalkeepers aren’t born today until they’re in their late 20s or 30s and sometimes not even then. Or so it would appear. To me anyway. Don’t you think the same?

It’s like a toaster, the ref’s shirt pocket. Every time there’s a tackle, up pops a yellow card. I’m talking metaphysically now of course.

Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose. It’s up to them, the tide is in their court now

Anyway, to finish off, this is a video that is just classic and features my favourite football commentator, who, despite his many gaffes, knows what he’s talking about. Chris Kamara, teek a bow son.

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It’s New Years Day so what better time to celebrate the past year than on the first day of the next year, here are a few awards given out to the sporting heroes that everybody else didn’t think of first.

The Eric Cantona award for talking shite:

RAFA BENITEZ – “I was watching the fans and I was really sad after the defeat the other day. We have a saying in Spanish, which is: ‘White liquid in a bottle has to be milk.’”
Seriously…what?

The Merv Hughes award for having facial hair, looking like a twat but because we see it every day we have all got used to it:

RAFA BENITEZ – A 2nd award for Benitez but seriously, he does look ridiculous with it, sadly for Rafa he also looks ridiculous without it.
Although an honorable mention goes to all who wore stupid tashes during Movember, some looked good and some (Peter Siddle and Mitchell Johnson) looked like complete cocks.

The Gazza award for being batshit insane:

PAUL GASCOIGNE – Now it might seem strange winning his own award, but turning up at an armed siege, completely pissed with a box of fried chicken claiming he is a friend of a murdering lunatic is without question…batshit insane!

The Arnold Schwarzenegger award for being just a little too ‘handsy’ with the ladies:

BEN ROETHLISBERGER – Now firstly I will point out that no charges have been brought against Ben for this, or any of the accusations made against him, then again, none were ever filed against future President of the USA, Arnold Schwarzeneggar.

The Graeme Souness award for taking Liverpool FC from being ‘Ok’ to ‘really shit’:

ROY HODGSON – A good squad with a couple of world class players, now they have forgotten how to play. In the loss at home to Wolves, 8 of the starting 11 played in the 4-0 win over Real Madrid 20 months ago, so it’s not the players is it?

The Tony Adams award for drink driving:

GRAEME SWANN – For his 3am dash to the supermarket to buy some screwdrivers in a bid to rescue his 9 month old Cat from under the floorboards…in a brand new white Porsche after 4 glasses of wine. Not noted for his genius is he, thank god he can bowl!

The Harlem Globetrotters award for being so good, they literally take the piss:

BARCELONA FC – This was the easiest award to give, Barcelona are just so good to watch at the moment. As a Liverpool fan I haven’t had much to enjoy this season but seeing Barca in action is football heaven, read Georges post on ‘The super manita’ to find out why they are so good.

The Andriy Shevchenko award for spending £30m and getting sod all in return:

THE ENGLAND 2018 WORLD CUP BID – What an absolute farce, as Ian Holloway put it (say it with west country accent) “maybe we would have been better off tucking all that in a few envelopes and seeing if that did any good.”

The Hansie Cronje award for being a massively corrupt cricketer:

MOHAMMAD ASIF, MOHAMMAD AMIR & SALMAN BUTT – Again not a difficult choice, the saddest part is that Amir at 18 years old looks the real deal already, probably could have gone on and been a record breaker. Maybe poor guidance and peer pressure but that’s no excuse, he cheated and should be banned for life.

The Peter Andre/Katie Price award for two people coming together for money but nobody gives a toss:

DAVID HAYE & AUDLEY HARRISON – Money truly talks in this case, how Harrison ever got himself a fight against a world champion is beyond me, he proved his class by landing just one punch in total and got himself knocked out in the 3rd round.

The New Labour award for promising so much but delivering so little:

ENGLAND’S WORLD CUP CAMPAIGN IN SOUTH AFRICA – Just shite all around, that is all.

Marcus J Mitchell.

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After England retained The Ashes yesterday with a very comfortable innings victory, it was left to the man who started the craze in the first place to lead the jubilant team in a perfect rendition of…The Sprinkler.

Lets go to Sydney, destroy the Aussies and leave with a comprehensive 3-1 series victory, then the dancing can really start!

Marcus J MItchell.

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