The cleanest of clean cut footballers, the handsome anchor of BBC’s Match of the Day, a role model for the modern professional and now, someone who shits his pants while playing football, I remember seeing footage of David Beckham vomiting after scoring a goal in the 2006 world cup, I have even seen Paul Scholes ginger cock and balls after a warbrobe malfunction (I think thats the correct term) but I have no knowledge of somebody actually taking a shit during a match.
Lineker was giving an interview to mark his 50th birthday (50? really?) and was asked to confirm or deny the rumours, now here was an opportunity to kill it dead..
It didn’t happen, sorry to take 20 years to say that but I can catergorically deny that it ever happened!
Instead what he actually said was…
I’ve never admitted to it, but it’s true. It was a World Cup game. It’s filmed, I’ve seen it but unless you know (what was happening) you wouldn’t know.
So what were the circumstances that led to the aforementioned, pant-shitting?
I was not very well, I was poorly at half time but I carried on, the ball went down the left hand side, I did try to tackle someone, I stretched and then I relaxed myself. I was very fortunate it rained that night and I could do something about it. It was messy, it just came out, it happened. How much detail do you want?
To be honest Gary I would say I have had far too much detail already, so it really is true?
It’s true; it was the opening game of the 1990 World Cup against the Republic of Ireland. You can see me rubbing the ground like a dog; it was the most horrendous experience of my life, but I tell you I never found so much space in a game than I did that night after that happened!
I know that I would happily have gone the rest of my life watching Match of the Day safe in the knowledge that it doesn’t matter which cheating bastard is diving around like ballet dancer, no matter what psychopath is attempting to maim his opposition and it’s irrelavant which national captain is sleeping with his team-mates girlfriend, we could always look at the clean cut (albeit orange) Gary and think “why can’t all footballers be like him?”
Problem is, if they were all like him…well, it doesn’t bear thinking about!
If you want to watch Gary taking a shit then press play…don’t worry you don’t actually see any poo, but it is bloody funny!